Saturday, September 24, 2005

Saturday, September 24, 2005

Saturday, September 24, 2005

Every evening now, friends gather, some inside where its warm, some gathered around the fire outside. We talk and there is laughter and love and a blanket of stars overhead. This morning it was 24 degrees and frost was on the grass. Summer is fading and autumn has a hold. The wind on the back of my neck at night tells me winter is gaining strength.

Its late morning, and I’ve just spent a few hours with Liam, Maura and Aidan. Margaret came down and we sat around and talked for an hour or so, and then she went to take a shower and I got the kids for a bit. I tought Maura how to play a D chord on the guitar, and tried to keep them out of the M&Ms.

Yesterday I worked in the morning on putting the outside siding on the spare bedroom, which has turned into my little construction project. In the afternoon PL, Kerry and I took the 4-wheelers up to 4032. We sat around in the long grass and talked about Tim, and about this time, and whether these days are building this into something other than what it is, something bigger.

Like lets say Tim died suddenly in a car crash and there was terrible grief, but in a concentrated blast and then we picked up the pieces. Are these days building up to that, or are we digging a hole we will fall into and never crawl out of?

What occurs to me now, however, is that we have been given the gift that I think anyone facing the death of a loved one would hope for. That gift is the time, to be together, but also to have the knowledge of a coming change that allows for the greatest possible appreciation of the time we have with Tim and with each other.

These days have been precious. And yes, when its over, we will all be left staggering for a period of time, and I think we will all be changed as well, but I hope in some way that is profound and good.

More later…the last few days I have had a harder time with words.


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