Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

7:38am, 19 degrees. Seems that that wants to be the official morning temperature right now.

Karen just left. She dropped in for an overnight to see Tim, and spent the night in the second bed here in the apartment. The circle expands to include anyone who comes by, and retracts when they leave.

Tim is sliding fast, but ultimately he will go when he is good and ready and not a minute before.
Yesterday, Mary and I drove to town to sign the cremation agreement, and drop off the Folgers can which had been cleaned and the holes welded. We stopped into BTC and picked up a can of M&J coffee for the bright blue lid as well, so now Tim’s urn is accurate.

When we got back Tim was asleep in the recliner, and sitting next to him was Gary Thurman, a fly swatter in one hand and a can of Miller High Life in the other. Gary is an old-time woodsman, and the guy who took Tim on his first hunting trip. After we all said hello, Leon told us Tim’s breathing had dropped to about 7 times per minute.

He was not responsive, barely breathing, sleeping peacefully. The hospice nurse stopped by as scheduled and said he probably would not wake up.

So for a good part of the afternoon we came and went in a circle around Tim, Mary, Leon, Suzanne, Margaret, Pat, Tom, PL, Jim, Jill, Mom, Doug, sitting and holding his hand, stroking his head, rubbing his feet, telling him we loved him.

We played Gordon Lightfoot and Bruce Cockburn, and cried a bunch. “Go find the new place for us,” Mary said, all sister no doctor now.

Off and on we worked on our projects, PL made dinner, Margaret cleaned the yard and the job site, I finished putting up the trim in the spare room, Doug made a shelf, Pat worked on the bathroom tile, and Jim and Tom put up the exterior siding.

I walked Aidan down to see the sheep and the horse next door at Shelby Cowley’s place.

But mostly we sat and talked and watched and cried and said good bye.

At about 5:00 with a blast of energy, he woke up.

“What time is it?”


“In the morning?”

“No, in the evening?”

“I slept all day?”


“Good God! I’ve got to get up and check on the boys.”

And that was that. He was up. On his way, lurching about from room to room. “I’ve got to take a crap.” “I need to go outside.” “Where is that little Karen?”

So as the sun went down, turning the clouds in the sky pink and casting a warm glow over Clifty, we built a fire and ate dinner at the big table outside.

Jim and Joann came by for awhile and, then John, Jenny and Jolene. Tim got a flashlight for Jolene and sent her on a bear hunt outside in the trees. Doug was the bear. We watched from his bed in the dining room as the light bobbed and danced in the darkness, and heard the occasional laughing shriek as the DougBear leaped at her.

Tim drifted off to sleep, Suzanne curled up next to him on the tiny narrow hospital bed. Jim, Pat, Tom, Karen and I sat by the fire until it burned down into coals.

Its morning, and the question is there again. Did he make it through the night? I don’t know yet. But the answer yesterday was “yes.” And he got up. And I dressed him. In a tie-died T-shirt, black work jeans, and a Hawaian shirt. And he lumbered down the stairs to see what happened while he was sleeping and to find out what the new day, with its bright sun might bring.


At 9:05 AM, Blogger owenlars said...


At 3:02 PM, Blogger iwanttogohome said...

What a gift you have to bring the day to day happenings into the light with such beauty! You should be a writer! :>)

At 3:35 AM, Blogger Oozing Class said...

It's difficult to know exaclty what in life is regarded as important. Unfortunately we have to decide solely for ourselves. I just want you to know that you documenting your feelings and the overall mood at the top of School House Hill is important.

It is important to me who is not certain of very much right now.

I guess I never told Tim exactly how I feel. I am sure he knows, which is why when I was there I chose to keep the conversations less deep. Ok so I kept them juvenile, but that is my style I guess, and I think Tim appreciated it.

But reading what you are writing and being insecure myself sometimes, I wonder if I should have told him how I feel.

I wish I was there still, but at the same time I was there watching Tim's
family surround him with love, it made me miss mine terribly. Great, now I feel selfish and can add that to the tossed salad of feelings that has been the last few months.

If you get Tims attention today maybe you could tell him two things for me that about sum up how I feel. Tim was a Best Friend and a Mentor. In life those are truly priceless. Tim is Priceless in my eyes.

Anyway I will stop rambling and just tell you thank you for sharing your words and that I love you.

At 7:15 AM, Blogger mouse said...

to all in our family, as Dan says "blood and love" and especially scout, we all know above all, that we that remain love and support each other through thick and thin. Tim may have been the glue that held us all together during those weeks but we will go on stronger and better for what he taught us,we are here for you always, love MD

At 9:46 PM, Blogger ginnymassey said...

its july 9th 2006 - in one week tim will be born anew - on the 16th of july 1960 and on the 16th of july 2006 - he is so close, so loved, so missed and so with us all - everyone sing him happy birthday next sunday and have macaroni and cheese on us.


Post a Comment

<< Home